Someone Is Screaming Inside My Head

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All the walls looked the same. White and padded so I couldn’t hurt myself. I sat in my favorite connor. Even though the walls were thick I could still hear a loud scream inside my head. It wasn’t my inner voice cause my inner voice sounds like my voice. This scream was deeper than my own and much more intense then my scream. My scream wasn’t that low, this scream sounded painful like this person had suffered something greater than I will ever experience. 

 

I couldn’t stop the screaming so to balance out the loud noises I hit my head as hard as I could but I couldn’t hurt myself because of softness of the wall. I wasn’t able to sleep for the past three days. 

 

It was time for our last meal of the day. The cell door opened to reveal my assigned nurse. I gave him a weak smile but received a concerned look. 

 

“You haven’t been sleeping?” He asked. 

“The screaming. It won’t stop. It’s not my screams it’s someone else’s.” 

 

He shook his head and sat in front of me. He handed me a tray of food and watched me eat. The screaming stooped. It only stopped during the eating hours. Sometime during the playing hours. 

 

“You have to eat you know. You have to eat everything on your plate then I’ll leave you alone.”

“Please don’t leave me alone with the screams. They haunt me.” 

 

My nurse just shook his head and feed me my food since I wouldn’t eat on my own. After finishing my food he wished me goodnight and left. They called for bedtime before turning off the lights. 

 

No, no, no. turn the lights back on, the screams get louder during this time. I lay on the floor as tears crept from my eyes and softly landed on the floor laying beside me. I closed my eyes trying to drown out the screams with my own screams and please for the screaming to stop. But no hope, they didn’t stop. It wouldn’t listen and it was making me go insane, more insane I mean. 

 

It was  the next day. You could tell because they turned on the room lights again. They sent nurses out to feed their patients their morning food. My nurse came in all happy until he saw my face. His jaw dropped as he rushed by my side. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asked in a panic. I nodded a bit confused as to why he looked so worried. I know I didn’t look my best due to the lack of sleep but I didn’t think I looked that bad. Granted there’s no mirrors in our cell so I probably looked horrible He touched my face, poking at my sunken in cheek. He gasped when he looked into my eyes. 

 

He left the cell for a short moment before arriving with some other people. The took me by each of my arms and carried me into another room. It was white but brighter than my cell. They had strapped me down. At this point I had forgot out the screaming in my head but it seemed louder had an echo to it. It sounded far away but still loud and clear. I saw my nurse talking to someone but I couldn’t make out what they looked like. My vision was all blurry and I felt weak. I couldn’t remember what happened after that but I do remember waking up strapped to a table. 

 

“Oh, you’re awake. Have a good sleep? Your nurse has reported your lack of sleep. He also reported that you’re hearing voices in your head again. He said that you keep hearing a loud scream, is that right?” 

 

All I could do was nod. My throat was dry and I couldn’t open my mouth. He just gave an unsettling smile before hooking me up to a machine. I remember this machine. They call it shock therapy and it’s supposed to sure anything that’s wrong with you. It doesn’t work. After shocking me multiple times they call it a day and send me back to my cell. But the screams did not stop and kept going on and on and on on loop for hours. After the last meal they shut off all the light

 

They have left me alone and I don’t know how to handle it. I need to make it stop, I have to make it stop, it has to stop. I start scratching at my face trying desperately to get the voice out of my head. It wasn’t working. I began to bang my head against the wall but that wasn’t working either. Forgot the wall were padded. But I kept hitting my head against the wall trying something to keep my mind occupied. It only worked for a short while. I scratched at my head, scratching so hard making my scalp bleed. It was working, I’m getting close to my brain. I can make the screams stop. I will finally be able to sleep.

Soon this will always be over. My hands were covered in blood and scraps of my scalp laid beside me. I blacked out. The screaming had stopped. I could now sleep. I could sleep forever. 

 

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